What is love to a child? How should it be defined? Is it simply a collection of hugs and kisses, bedtime prayers and afternoon snacks? For our kids, I think love has to be carefully defined. It should be carefully acted upon and thoughtfully pursued. In their innocent years we find it easy to express love in affection and adoration, but as they grow it gets more difficult to communicate love because they are no longer pliable infants, forced to be who we desire them to be, they are speaking back to us, walking away from us and finding pleasure in things we wish to stay far from them. Our love suddenly has to take shape in different ways, constructive and corrective ways. Love expressed in things like discipline, time and sacrifice.
John 15:13 says: “Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.” That is what I want my boys to hear from my heart. That is God’s love and God’s love is unfailing according to 1 Corinthians 13.
The other night Kris proposed a question that he had asked himself and I think it’s one that every parent should ask. “Would I rather be successful myself, or see my kids become successful?”
There are multiple ways to answer that question and many factors to consider, including the culmination of our own success being the catalyst to positioning our children into a place of opportunity. Truly, the question has as many answers as there are definitions for success. I think the heart of the question Kris was asking though centers around sacrifice. As it pertains to him, it is a question of how much time he should spend at an office away from his boys, making money and losing his influence over them. If his desire is to see his boys become successful, he must find a balance to pursuing his dreams and pursuing a pathway of opportunity, education and the character to know what to do with it all, for them.
I have heard many parents say they would do “anything” for their child, they would die for them, jump in front of a train for them etc. Most of these same parents though, wouldn’t give up a good job or an education for them. Some of them wouldn’t even give up something as simple as “facebook” or their favorite television show. Most parents, not all, don’t sacrifice a comfortable position on the couch for their kids because if they ignore the whining, the disobedience, the distraction….sooner or later it will go away. Most parents don’t truly lay down their lives for their children, instead they adjust their lives.
Doing what’s good for yourself, pursuing the things that will grow you, broaden your perspective and strengthen your character are good and useful to parenting. However, placing the importance of time and nurturing of your child in a place secondary to your personal pursuits is defining love to your children as a “me first” offering of affection. It may seem that they are too young to perceive this, but I assure you it is communicated far sooner than you think. When we do this we are presenting a skewed definition of love that so many of today’s children are learning, and so many are suffering for it.
As a mother of three
I see my influence being multiplied
as I raise boys
who love God with all their hearts.
If our hearts are seeking first the kingdom of God (Matthew 6:33) followed by placing a well balanced passion and affection toward our children, then their success will be paramount to our own purposes. They are the future of the kingdom. As a mother of three I see my influence being multiplied as I raise boys who love God with all their hearts. I AM successful if they are successful.
I am looking three little future men, future fathers, future leaders in the face and I am learning, I’m praying and I’m seeking God’s help to ensure that when I say “I love you,” they hear “I am here for you, I will do anything in my power to present Christ’s unconditional acceptance and joy over you, I’m cheering for you and I thank God for you every day that I live.”
Zephaniah 3:17 shows us how to show love to our children. Defending them as a warrior, accepting them without condition or complaint and encouraging them with unrestrained joy.
“The Lord your God is in the midst of you, a Mighty One, a Savior [Who saves]! He will rejoice over you with joy; He will rest [in silent satisfaction] and in His love He will be silent and make no mention [of past sins, or even recall them]; He will exult over you with singing.” (Amplified)
I’m so glad I took the time to read this. Kudos to you for having the courage to write such a thing. Knowing the things to sacrifice and being willing to lay things down flies in the face of a, “you can be whatever you want to when you grow up” philosophy. The truth is I can’t be whatever I want to be if I’m going to be what God wants me to be.
I’ll also say that as I walk out my faith I have to remember that the person next to me is walking out theirs as well and its not up to me to make those choices for them.
Thank you Amy, I appreciate that comment VERY much.
This is so very true. I really believe the Oprah-ish philosophy of “take care of yourself first” is so wrong, so un-Biblical. It just doesn’t make sense to believe that taking care of selfish needs is going to somehow, magically, make you a better mom or wife or friend. It’s such a short time in the span of our lives, really, that we get to influence our children and it’s worth the price to do it well.