One Little Pebble

My friend Karen and I were talking on the phone the other day. It was one of those long overdue conversations that followed all the bird trails and squirrels wherever we wanted to go, because we had time. She told me a little story about getting a rock in her shoe. She was in the midst of a 15k run with 10k left to go, and stopping seemed like a bad idea. She knew that she would probably get a blister if she didn’t, and that she could endure the discomfort if she just pressed on. After a little while though she thought better of it. The pause in the run to take her shoe off, remove the little piece of gravel, and put the shoe back on would be worth it. When she finished, she was surprised to learn that not only had she finished well, she had achieved a new personal record for her speed in the race. Even with her unexpected stop along the path to remove a hindrance, she finished better than ever.

I was encouraged by this story. In the weeks leading up to that particular morning something had been bothering me. I was remembering something I had posted on social media about a friend of mine. I hadn’t gossiped to anyone, I didn’t say who I was talking about, I just took something that a friend had done, and made it into a little joke. It was kind of passive aggressive, and though I made it into something silly, it was critical but without being honest. I couldn’t remember how long ago I had posted it, I couldn’t remember how it was taken, I just knew that I regretted it, and it was nagging at me to be dealt with. That morning I had seen the post in a memory that popped up from that day. It had been six years. I sent a message to the friend, told her what I had done, how I hated that I had done it, and that I was sorry. She responded with a forgiving and generous heart, and I was so grateful to her for being able to handle my stupidity. She didn’t remember the post, she didn’t know it was about her, and it hadn’t been bothering her at all.

Thank goodness I thought. I wouldn’t have had to say anything to clear the air with her, but I felt so much better regardless. Like I had removed the pebble from my shoe.

Often times the things that bother me, aren’t bothering anyone but me. Like a little stone I didn’t notice it at first because I hadn’t matured to a point of understanding its potential to hurt me. But as I progress in my race it begins to irritate me, as I become sensitive to my place, my purpose, and my position. That little discomfort, that little foreign object in my life isn’t bothering anyone else in my race. I could keep going, I don’t have to acknowledge it to finish the race, but when I do, I am better. I am a better runner, I am a better person, I have a greater capacity to fulfill what God has called me to fulfill.

It speaks to the way David asked for forgiveness after sinning with Bathsheba…

Against you, you only, have I sinned

    and done what is evil in your sight,

so that you may be justified in your words

    and blameless in your judgment.

Psalm 51:4

God has more for me than a painful endurance. He has a race cut out for me that includes my ability to run without hindrance. When I carry my burdens and my mistakes, and don’t cast them on Him, I am unnecessarily slowing my own race to a less useful pace. Against Him, and Him only, have I transgressed when I do this.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.

Hebrews 12:1-2

He did all the enduring. He bore the burdens, the shame and all the little pieces of road gravel that were intended for me. He already carried them to the finish line. I can be free.

Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.

1 Peter 5:6-7

Stopping to remove that pebble can be humbling. It can feel like weakness and even be perceived as such by others, but we don’t run the race to impress other runners. We run for the goal. God will exalt the obedience we show in casting our anxieties on Him.

I am free. I am still running. I may find there are still some pebbles to remove from my shoe, but more and more I find myself stopping, kneeling, becoming aware and sensitive to anything that would keep me from finishing strong.

But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God.

Acts 20:24