I mentioned last month that my “Do Not Disturb” sign had come down for a while. I won’t lie to you, it’s back up. It’s not a sign I regularly hang out for my kids, or my husband, it is a much needed boundary for all else though.
Children do not necessarily build us, but they certainly show us what we’re made of. In the process of adjusting our lives to parenting, Kris and I realized that my role especially is narrowed to exclude many of the things I previously enjoyed. I did not quit all of these things, but I had to quit doing them for others much of the time. I had to break away from service to the general public and focus on family first.
As the boys have grown out of initial needs, new ones have surfaced. I don’t nurse them anymore, but I do spend long evenings with them encouraging them to clean their plate. I don’t change diapers, but I do need to be near enough to remind them to pause what they are doing and run to the bathroom. I don’t rock them to sleep, but I do read adventure stories and suppress smiles over their night time petitions. Time with them hasn’t lessened, it has only changed it’s shoe size and learned to walk in step with me more often.
And I realized, time only gets away from me when I try to squeeze too much into it’s works.
There has to be a rhythm. The pendulum has to swing one way and then the other for balance to reign. I am both busy and bored some days. I am both stressed and strengthened, both failure and fulfilled, both fettered and free.
I am both me and mom.
And I have seen, again and again, that the world will pull me often to seek my own better portion. Urging me to enhance, build up, secure and affirm away from them.
I am asked to perform and keep them quiet. And the light dawns. Not on my stage where I have always longed to solo for the masses, but in my heart. What is God’s Word for the performer like me? “If you want to be great in God’s kingdom, learn to be the servant of all.” I learned it in song as a child and it still dances in my head when I need to hear it.
So the sign is handed to me. Hanging it on my door is harder on some days than others. When I sit through a performance at church, or watch as someone like me, but not me, collects the applause of the crowd it is heavy on me. I don’t feel jealous, I feel restless.
More and more though, I am stilled. More and more the rhythm of the pendulum is staying and steady to my heart. More and more I appreciate the up and the down, the wide and the narrow, the right and the left of life’s gentle swinging. I see more and more clearly how I am not being kept, but I am being set right. I see that I am not being held back, I am being held up and my audience may be small right now, but they are growing in wisdom and stature and in favor with God and man.
I am both me and mom, keeping time, keeping the sign in place in order to keep the pendulum swinging behind the glass door. It is good to be here, rocking, swinging and allowing time to do it’s work. My greatest performance will not come when that sign comes down and I am free to entertain, it will be when time tells of my work behind the door. When three young men face the world and stand or fall by my guidance and prayers.
There is no need to remove the sign, the risk is too great. I want to have the insight and attitude of Nehemiah: “I am doing a great work and I cannot come down. Why should the work stop while I leave it and come down to you?” (Neh. 6:3) He was building a wall for a kingdom that didn’t even exist anymore, but his heart knew the potential for the work. Our children are a future that doesn’t yet exist, but we are building a wall of protection, a foundation of truth for the potential within them. We ARE doing a GREAT work, we cannot come down.
Every quiet day behind the glass, “Do Not Disturb” sign in place, pray for insight into God’s plan for them. Nehemiah didn’t build that wall because he thought it would be cute, because his friends were all building walls, or because he wanted to challenge himself. He responded to God’s promises, faithfulness and calling. Knowing what God wants for our children makes those quiet days easier to bear. Understanding their character and allowing God to show us where He wants to rub off their rough edges gives us a greater motivation during these years. We are not lost to a child driven existence, we are living in a God driven commission.
Take every opportunity and hold the hand of your Father in the upside down quiet of children, and smile sweetly to the rest of the world as you hold out your sign, “Do Not Disturb…I am doing a GREAT work.”
Love this and love you!
Godliness with contentment is great gain. You’re a wise lady and you are right. The rewards come later! 🙂
Mary, since I just have the one child, I often find myself looking back and learning. Since I haven’t experienced this before, I sometimes miss the “growth of shoe size” and have to catch up. Part of what I am learning is that their needs continue and Mom and Dad are always relevant. The needs just change and nothing is more important than preparing them to become the men God created them to be! Enjoyed the post!
Great post! Adjusting to being “just a mom” was the hardest one I’d ever made and was one I didn’t expect. I’d had Amanda already and worked my way through college when she was little. There’s no room for “serving little ones” in a college education. The focus is on doing “big” things, “great” things, not wiping noses and kissing boo boos. But those are the great things and realizing that is the first step in raising kids that know and love God. Raising world changers that are learning how to serve because of our example.
I wish I could “like” all of these comments. I feel so blessed and encouraged when women such as yourselves write such affirming words.