I laid Kris’ cup on the counter, and in a matter-of-fact tone stated, “I didn’t know what you’d want to drink so I just put ice in your cup.”
Immediately I had a revelation. It was strangely quick, understood and detailed all at once. I heard the Holy Spirit ask, “If you were an artist would you give someone an unpainted canvas because you didn’t know what they wanted to look at?”
My conviction was held at bay until dinner was over and I had time to swallow a little truth, but I tasted the bitter pill immediately.
Obviously, there is nothing wrong with allowing Kris to decide for himself what he would like to drink with his dinner, but the full message was much more encompassing than that one moment. The hard truth is that I don’t like making decisions. I don’t like choosing what might affect others. I don’t like to force my opinion or my tastes on people and I especially don’t like having to defend those choices when I do make them. I like to please people, I like to make them happy.
Too often I abstain from making choices because of my fear of disappointing someone or defending my stance.
That’s WRONG!
“What shall we have for dinner?” shouldn’t be asked other than to myself. I think this is the real crux of the lesson God wants me to gather in this. God gave this family to me. He didn’t put us together so that I would allow them to stifle my tastes and color, rather I was given to them to expand theirs. Let dinner be what God has given me to do. Let the creativity and joy of creating He has put in me be displayed on our table. I need not be discouraged by what they don’t like, instead I need to enjoy it despite them and savor the bounty of His provision every way possible, encouraging them to do the same.
When I stifle my joy of exploration and adventure in creating a home full of good food, good smells, color and light, I am in turn putting aside the worship of expression God has placed within me.
We often hear (in a nutshell) that worship is not singing, it is the way we live our lives. I think I have been inclined to only think that included the holy things we do. The expressions, encouragement and uplifting things. Giving, sharing and loving were on that list, but I am realizing that cooking, drawing, running and kickball are probably on there too. More and more I am realizing that whatever God has placed in us, when we do it in joy, it is worship and it glorifies Him.
More and more I am realizing that whatever God has placed in us, when we do it in joy, it is worship and it glorifies Him
I think one of the reasons I have struggled with this is because of my own love for an empty canvas. I can remember as a kid the absolute THRILL I felt when offered a stack of white paper, or a drawing tablet. The potential and ideas would swim and swirl in my mind so that I had trouble differentiating between the joy of creating and the joy of imagining what could be created. An untouched canvas is endless opportunity. I think God put that in me too, but with time He wants that joy to mature into someone who actually puts brush to canvas and paints. Believing that He who began a good work in me will continue to provide me with more supplies, more vision, more opportunity and greater purpose.
I am not committing to being a better decision maker today, but I am committing to taking a step back for a better perspective. I will begin to question why I’m not making a decision. Is it because I truly don’t care? (Sometimes that’s really the case, and that’s okay.) If it’s not a lack of opinion, is it because I am placing another person’s pleasure above God’s desire for me and in me? Therein is the rub. Balance, as always, is key in acting out the good and right. We do need to love others as we love ourselves, it’s the second greatest commandment, but what is the first? To love God with ALL our heart, soul and mind. To do this we must acknowledge the good, pure and right that He has put within us and then with a heart of love offer it to the world.
It’s funny when I read the beginning of this, I could immediately identify. Married to a chef, I certainly don’t put anything down in front of him that is better than what he could do on his own. Sometimes I refrain due to lack of confidence, but more often laziness. It takes some thought and effort to come up with something FOR him, so I let him do it himself rather than study on it and figure out what he’d like. Thanks for the challenge!
Oooo, yes. I love a blank canvas too. Decision-making is difficult for those of us who prefer the plan to the execution thereof!