There is a little bluebird that has been visiting our front door for the past several days. Each morning he comes and bangs himself up against the windows around the front door and then goes to the dining room window and flutters angrily at what he sees, going back and forth from window to window fighting his reflection for at least 30 minutes before going on to the more important things in bird life.
He’s a beautiful little guy, his blue feathers and his rosy chest are quite becoming. I suppose he is quite aware of the beauty but as he doesn’t realize it is his own…he is defending his territory from himself.
This morning I sat down with my Bible and asked God to show me what I’m doing wrong. I am struggling with my back again and though it is not as bad as it has been in the past, it is still quite frustrating that I am slowed down by it. I am reminded to relax, I hear the voice of the Holy Spirit saying “be still,” and I wonder if I’m the only one that sees the milk spilling in the next room and hears the cries for help and comfort from upstairs. How can I be still with children? Am I missing something?
I have long been a reader of Psalms and Proverbs. I cannot get enough of them and they are my morning routine. Each morning I read the chapters that correlate with the day of the month and I have yet to find a better way for myself to get the day rolling. Today being the 23rd, I started to open Psalm 23 but decided to just hold my finger at chapter 53 and recite the 23rd Psalm. I stopped in the second verse. The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures. Okay…there it is again. Rest, lie down…you don’t have to want, you have a Shepherd. I started over and recited the whole thing…yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death…I will fear no evil. Do I fear shadows? Have I looked at things in the past to determine my future? I moved on to chapter 53 and read a verse about fearing where no fear was, that God has scattered the bones of those who encamp against me. Who are these enemies that they should cause me such concern? Is it me? I realized that possibly the threat is real but the solution is already taken care of. The enemy is encamped about me but I do not see the work God has already done to destroy them. In Psalm 83 I read a verse that said, let us take for ourselves the pastures of God for our possession and then I knew. Yes, it is me.
Just like that crazy bluebird is continuing to beat himself against the window, I am beating myself up in my concerns and expectations. I have been the recipient of many blessings and I have not received them without gratitude but I have mistakenly thought that I am the owner of them. That I am responsible to make them perfect. God, my Shepherd has brought me to a resting place…I shall not want…and made me to lie down in green pastures, but I have insisted on taking for myself the pastures of God for my possession.
Now…how do I give it all back? I want desperately to learn to rest. I want to be still and know that He is God. I want to enjoy His bounty without trying to change or arrange it. I think I have seen myself as lazy for a long time and though I work hard at being productive…I think what I have really been doing is trying to hide it from others and trying to prove something to myself. I have to rest unashamed and that is not an easy thing to do. I have to rest because I’m His, not because I deserve it, that is not an easy thing to do. I have to rest without wanting and walk without fear and see without worry and enjoy without taking possession. I have a lot to not do today.
Sigh. Of such things some of us must be reminded so often.
I hear your struggle loudly, as it is much like my own. The hard work for me is never the working, it’s the resting. Knowing and accepting that all of my striving is for nothing – or for nothing but my self. And that the biggest thing I can accomplish in this life is to simply take in the blessings that are offered to me, and to teach my children to do the same.
Ew. I offer sincere apologies for all of the sentence fragments contained in the above comment!
Maybe what you want comes with age. Normal beings work and the Bible says those that don’t shouldn’t eat. But the attitude is key. I’ve found in my later years, although I have a need to stay busy I feel I’m leaving what I do to others. Age seems to have a way of stripping possessions from a person.
Ah, so much to think about. And yet I don’t really have the time to add anything meaningful. Funny though how God sometimes makes us rest. Just don’t let your perfectionism skew the reality of who you are and the importance of what you’re doing. Even when it’s resting.