I just found out in an e-mail that our church is going to have an event for mom’s called, “Mothers Raising Sons” next month. Four mothers of boys (who are now good men) will be on a “The View” like panel on stage discussing the joys of bringing up boys.
I’m excited about this. I think I have handled the whole boy thing pretty well thus far, but I know there are a whole lot of unknowns ahead and a whole lot of challenges that will surprise me and probably frustrate me. I’ve always felt that the flippant way people compare raising boys to girls as “so much easier” is a deception because we forget that we are not raising boys, we are raising men. It may be easier to live with boys because they are less emotional and have fewer clothes, but the results of failure are often more hazardous with boys. Boys become fathers…the heads of families…authority figures and protectors. They are leaders and pastors and if you think that it’s no different with girls…ask any woman who married a boy who wasn’t raised to be a man. She’ll tell you how important it is to get it right. (I’m not referring to myself…I’m very thankful my in-laws got it right.)
I really want to get it right.
Hmmmm…. they’re different, aren’t they? I honestly don’t believe that one is easier than the other- just different. Different challenges. Different easy areas. I have seen just as many women who were failed by being raised to be “girls” or “princesses” instead of women. And while the men may be a head of the home, a woman has so much influence in molding and shaping her family through nurturing that I would argue they are equally important.
We participated in the Rice Bag Project this year- part of Mission India (before we knew we were adopting from India, even!) and they run a literacy program for women in India that is Bible based. They empower these women to change their family tree, to rise above their challenges, to have more opportunity, all with the love of the Lord showcased. What they found is that these women are such nurturers and are so strong, that they are then spreading the love of Christ to their kids, to their husbands, and to their villages. They become agents of change- emancipating whole groups of people with the freedom of Christ.
That said, as a mom of both boys and a girl (soon to be girls)- I just say they’re different. I don’t diminish your point (in fact, I agree with the intent- raising men instead of boys)… but its an important job regardless of the gender of child you’re raising. And each gender requires different care- for different skills and traits to be fostered so that they can be the men and women God desires them to be.
More than anything, I guess I was just saying that I’m not someone who says “boys are easier”- that’s ludicrous!
You’re doing a fine job of raising your “little men”. Some day they will be great “big men”.
Keep raising them well. You’re doing a fine job so far. I’m glad that the event sounds like one that will give helpful advice and provide encouragement along the way.
Tisra – I started to write more in my post but was getting too detailed for the time I had to write, so I deleted and posted what you see. I agree with you that the role women play is vital and powerful and I think we agree on the points you are making.
This may just be differing experiences and limited points of view, but I would say, and almost wrote earlier, that one of the differences in boys and girls is that when a girl is “failed” in being raised to be a woman, she often…not always…will still become a responsible adult. Men…very much in general…not absolutely…do not tend toward responsibility as naturally as women…probably because they are not the nurturers that women are. Without that nudging, teaching, discipline and empowering they should receive from both parents, boys often fail to “grow up” and never seem to make the switch to responsible adult. I also believe that Satan has attacked the role of the man more so than the role of the woman. He doesn’t want to destroy just men…he wants to destroy families, the backbone of society, and he targets the head most often to do that.
I don’t know about you, and maybe it’s because I have all boys, but I have heard that statement “boys are easier” hundreds of times from people. As if they are congratulating me on dodging the emotional bullet. I don’t let it anger me, and I don’t argue with people, but it always raises the hairs on the back of my neck. I guess I just feel like the attitude is too relaxed and that just because boys do not tend toward the dramatic and emotional we can just sit back and let them be boys. May it never, never be.
Will they tape this event? I would like to see it.
I think this conference is a faboulous idea and I hope you enjoy it.
That said I have to completely disagree with your point that Satan attacks men more than women and that women tend to be more responsible. Satan is an equal opportunity attacker. I talked to a girl this week that was spoiled as a child and has 3 failed marriages behind her and she just turned 35- I grew up with her. I also know a man that was completely broken as a child that is taking care of his family well- not perfectly but well. I don’t think that raising boys is easier (not that I’ve done it) and I think it’s one of those dumb things that people say just to say it. Yes, the man is the head of his house but a broken/spoiled woman is just as likely to destroy a marriage as a broken/spoiled man. I don’t see my daughters as just little girls. I see them as future women with a strong call of God on their lives that will grow up to be world changers. Whether that’s because they’re out blazing trails themselves or because they’re working with their husbands and raising children to be godly leaders. I don’t think the question is which gender is easier to raise. It really isn’t a question. We have to raise our children determined to mold them into what God wants them to be. Great adults don’t happen by accident.
So hey, I think I could have said all of that better 🙂 I mean all of it but sometimes I get a bit harsh- sorry.
This is such an important issue – and what a blessing to be offered the chance to hear from some women who’ve been through raising boys already!
My parents ran homes for problem teenagers when I was young. And they much preferred the boys to the girls 🙂 Simply because the emotional hysteria in teenage girls is absent. That’s probably why people say that boys are easier. But I think it’s just that the difficulties of raising boys aren’t as obvious, and come at different times than those with girls. Boys are easier to manage in the day-to-day, I think. You know what they’re thinking and they are less emotional work for a mother. But…nobody can break your heart into a million pieces like your son. And the inevitability of letting him go – and you *must* let him go to a greater degree than a daughter if you’re really raising a man – equalizes things a bit as far as the degree of difficulty.
Granted, this is something I’m particularly passionate about and there is no way I can explain my thoughts in a couple of paragraphs 🙂 But I’m excited that you get to attend such a cool event.
Amy…I hear your passion. I see what you are saying, and I don’t think you’re too harsh. To tell me you disagree with me is just honest and I’ve always appreciated that.
I guess in my experience I’ve just seen a lot more men fall into the irresponsibility trap than women. I’ve seen more than one family where boy and girl were raised by the same extremely flawed parents and boy grows to depend on and suck the life out of his parents while girl rolls her eyes and moves on with her life. Maybe neither are successful, but in most cases that I’ve witnessed…the daughter isn’t the one still clinging to mommy. So…maybe I just don’t get out enough…but that’s what I’ve seen. 🙂 Again…it’s not every case, I’ve seen the opposite too…but not as much.
The more I read through your comment the more I realize you are probably right about attacks of Satan. I have never thought that Satan attacks men more than women…he did start with Eve after all. My statement was that he attacks the “role” of the man. He has successfully changed the way the world sees and defines what a man is. I started to defend that by stating how clouded, watered down and backward the “role” of a man has become. I considered that women are still nurturers after all the changes that men and women have come to in the last 100 years or so. However…as I started to type that out I realized how diluted the role of a “woman” has become too. Not because she is no longer nurturing, but because she is bombarded with the abdicated or shared role of provider, volunteer at church, school and community, and nurturer, not to mention the part she has to play of super-model. Even good families are often subject to extreme demands that are beyond God’s ideas for men and women.
My statements are not to insinuate that either role is more influential to the Kingdom of God. Simply put…I believe, whether you’re a man or a woman, the consequences of failure are greater for those in authority. Men are more often in authority.
Christy – That whole letting go thing haunts me some days. Having three boys and only one heart is going to be tough.
I’m loving the debate and I’d love to see a wider response on the topic- good discussion, moms! 🙂