Ever Increasing Joy

Today is one of the most melancholy days on record. I am bursting with the ins and outs of emotion that seem to be pouring down as steady as the April shower beyond the rails of this back porch. I have cried and laughed and studied each feeling so as to never let the sorrow last and be careful to relish each moment of joy.

I am comfortably seated on my back porch while I write this afternoon. Tennessee welcomed us home yesterday evening with comfortable weather and offered up her beauty on that last stretch of road between Chattanooga and Nashville that always* makes me feel both adventurous and content all at the same time.

The rain today is perfect. Falling steadily but not harshly, keeping the air cool and brightening every green thing that has made its way from bud and root to enliven our back yard. What a change has manifested here. What was a layering of every shade of gold and brown, is now an upward thrust of chartreuse and emerald mingled with the occasional colorful bloom. I love that as I sit here, and as long as the rain continues to fall, I can see and hear a small waterfall. Nearly hidden at the bottom of the hill it is only available to me when there is a good, strong and lasting rain. Once the deluge moves on it will trickle away to nothing and simply be a rock and some wet earth in the ditch.

The rain seems to be stopping now. The dripping from the roof and the leaves is still a wonderful hum around me, but the sound of the birds is quickly increasing and drowning out it’s rhythm. My temporary waterfall is growing thinner as I sit here. And then…the clouds open again and for just a little longer the facade continues.

I am momentarily pleased by the view before me, but eternally satisfied by the faithfulness of God’s creation. Though the rain leaves it’s picturesque bounty and produces only a mud path when it is through here, it is not gone from existence simply because I cannot see it anymore. The powerful growth it brings to the foliage is obvious and the path it takes is continuous. Somewhere, as it meanders even below the earth it will find a true river to increase.

So many things have happened in the last week and some of them brought happiness as pleasant as the bubbling brook but as passing as the rain. I am thankful that my contentment comes when I have faith that even the passing rain will feed the river and that true joy may be unseen at times, but it is ever flowing and ever increasing with the moments I embrace.

There were a lot of embraceable moments. Our boys were delightfully happy as they traveled. Owen and Ivan especially seemed to have endless entertainment from a small box of action figures and toys that sat between them in the back of the van. Aron was not quite as well occupied but he did well for the most part. I even felt that the older two were better friends after our road trip. They seemed to have forged a stronger bond due to the lack of outsiders. I may lock them in a room together periodically to continue this trend.

The first stop on our trip was in Tallahassee where Kris’ grandparents live. We stayed with his aunt Cindy and enjoyed her generous hospitality for two nights during our family reunion. Meeting our latest nephew, Caleb, for the first time was a highlight of the trip and still we departed without a picture of all four of the Kelso grandsons together. Saturday afternoon we relaxed by a lake and Kris got some great pictures of the boys. We enjoyed a wonderful Easter service and a hearty lunch before saying our goodbyes and loading up the van to go to Grandma and Granddaddy’s house in Lakeland.

Our trip to Lakeland was uneventful and Monday followed suit. Tuesday, we were excited about the plans to meet up with old friends at a new park, but the rain that morning lingered longer than expected and the change of plans was fortuitous. A location that was kid friendly was a priority as the old gang has multiplied fruitfully and after several suggestions on separate occasions for the same place we made plans to meet at a venue called “Backyard Adventures”. It was perfect for us and the indoor blow up games were a big hit with the kids and some of the adults as well. This adult let some sensible thinking escape her as I tried to carry Aron to a tempting slide. I entered the nearly enclosed blow up game and with Aron on my hip maneuvered through a bit of an obstacle course in order to get to the big slide. I had to climb a small wall with him and slid down the other side only to find more obstacles and a looming 10 foot climbing wall. I knew I could do it, but I shouldn’t have tried it. It’s one of those instances where stubbornness gets in the way of good sense and beats it to a pulp when it tries to communicate the logic of NOT proving anything. Granted, the thought of turning around and going over the four foot slide from the wrong side with a toddler in tow was no appealing prospect either. I still believe that I can conquer that wall…my first attempt didn’t go so well though and I am certainly grateful that there were no small children behind me. I was climbing very well. Aron seemed happy enough. My method of hand on rope, foot on block, next foot on block, lean toward wall, hand on grip, foot on block etc., was working very well. Unfortunately my socks and the slight wear of the wall supports which tended to lean in the wrong direction with the weight, coupled with the lack of one hand to support my climb resulted in my foot slipping and a fall that was a good 3/4ths of the height of the wall. I was determined not to fall outward and risk Aron hitting something, so I shifted everything I could toward the wall and as my right foot descended it hit the climbing blocks on the way down and landed with my full weight and Aron’s on it’s side. I heard a distinct popping sound on the way down and the ache that seemed to resonate up my leg told me immediately that I had done some damage. I was able to put weight on it and even wiggled my toes a little so I made my way back out of the game as I should have done to begin with. I was a little concerned that I was stuck inside because of the small slide I mentioned before but after sizing up my situation I tried another stunt that actually worked. I placed Aron at the top of the slide and told him to sit still. I couldn’t just throw him over because it was high enough that he would have hit the climbing supports on the other side. Once he was situated I backed up and with a limping run was able to hoist myself to the top of the slide and maneuver both of us down and out.

The next morning Kris drove me to the “limp-in” clinic and the x-rays showed no signs of a break or displacement of any kind. It was diagnosed a sprain and contusion and I am continuing to heal nicely with the help of my patient husband, ice packs and an Ace bandage. I have crutches and a walking boot as well but with orders to stay off of it, I am trying not to make use of the uncomfortable things.

Dinner with family, a quiet shopping trip with just Kris and I, a trip to the zoo for the boys and ice cream with a movie or two made for a nice vacation. I was also able to get a few shots of one of the Bald Eagles that lives in the Live Oak tree behind Kris’ parent’s house. That was very cool. It is good to be home and the week ahead is already full of plans yet to be nailed down.

The sun is starting to come out in places and all this ordered, dare I say structure, of writing has melted away a lot of my melancholy. It is a relief to put the words out in front of me, as if I’m slowly chipping away at an emotional embolism. Making sense of a hindering lump in my throat, by ordering each letter, word and phrase.

It is peaceful to hear the breeze with the absence of the raindrops, and my little waterfall is nothing more than the predicted rock and mud. Yet…the fullness of the river and it’s ever increasing joy is more than an image in my mind. It is a firm satisfaction in my soul.

*Except for the time we sat in bonnaroo traffic.