I drove home feeling a little lighter than I had all week. I guess you could say I felt refreshed. I had taken the boys to run a few errands, and as a bonus, drove them up to the church so that Owen could play on the play-ground for a while.
Before I left I stepped out of my comfort zone and made a phone call. Emily B. has always been nice to me, she’s got two young kids and we often greet each other at church but we’ve never “hung out” and I’ve never made the effort to try to get to know her better. Why? I don’t have to, don’t need to, and I don’t like doing that stuff. I could live the rest of my days and never have a need that she could fulfill. The same is true in reverse…she doesn’t “need” me for anything. We don’t work together, we don’t live close to each other and we aren’t in the same Sunday School class. She recently joined me on the women’s board but that’s such a small group and we only meet a few times a year. So, why make the effort? Because God wants me to learn how to be friendly that’s why.
I never had to make friends growing up. I met my little gang of classmates when we all started Kindergarten together and with few exceptions, that same group graduated together 13 years later. I met a few new people along the way but as a kid you are forced to get to know others much more than as an adult. College was a shock…more people then I’d ever wanted to be around and I didn’t know any of them. I learned how to introduce myself, be a little more aggressive and not be intimidated. Even then, unlike now, I had a need for friends. It seems like as time has gone on, I have built a wonderful base of Godly girlfriends that are so complete and fulfill so much in my life that I have no “need” to add to it.
The problem comes when I consider how many of those friends attend my church. Kris and I are trying to grow a Sunday School class and we don’t know anyone. We have other people to hang out with and we aren’t social butterflies by any stretch. We like people, but we aren’t exactly sanguine temperaments.
God has been dealing with me in this. I have prayed for our class and asked God to grow our group and over the past week He’s been revealing to me what I need to be doing personally. Tuesday while I was mowing the lawn He really convicted me about my character and my motives. Wednesday at church I was reminded that I need to be working for the Kingdom of God and not so concerned with my own agenda. Last night before we left for leadership dinner I prayed that God would help me to be refreshing to others. If I need to work on my character and be more friendly then I want to be the type of person who takes a load off instead of hashing over complimentary burdens with others. We had a guest who spoke and the first point he brought up was character. The whole time he spoke I felt like God was bringing each point around to being social, being friendly, being something that’s beyond my abilities and hammering home the idea that it’s not about me and what makes me feel good or comfortable.
This morning I got the boys ready to go and looked up Emily’s number. It was 8:30, I almost convinced myself it was too early. I thought, what if she doesn’t want to hang out with me? What if she thinks I’m a dork? I called anyway. The answering machine picked up and I left her a message explaining that we would be at the playground around 10:00 if she wanted to join us. We got there late and she wasn’t there but she showed up about 15 minutes later. We talked and laughed and learned a few things about one another and I seriously enjoyed myself. She didn’t need my friendship and I didn’t need hers but we both needed to be obedient and it turns out, we have a lot in common. As we talked we realized God was speaking to us about very similar things and it was encouraging for both of us to realize we weren’t alone. We didn’t have a prayer meeting or a heart to heart, we didn’t talk about anyone else’s problems or teach each other anything, we just talked about kids and houses and husbands and church and I was refreshed.
Proverbs 11:25 says: A generous man will prosper; he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed.
Isn’t that silly that we hesitate to call someone or approach someone because we’re so concerned about what they are going to think? Even as social, and outgoing as I am, I will still have hesitations in certain circumstances. I think mainly because it’s not that commom to get that call, or invitation out of the blue from someone you’re not already close with, so I get concerned that I may come accross a little weird since I’m doing the not-so-normal thing. Then I decide that if that makes me weird, so be it. I’m weird!
what a refreshing post!
Well done, Mary.
good for you. I was just having this conversation with a friend from MOPS. I had her and her kids over for some time spent looking at how to homeschool. She and I don’t have a lot in common but we both love the Lord and our kids and want to do what is best for them. We had a good time.