I wrote a couple posts ago about parenting being tough and it is. Ivan is the sweetest, dearest little fellow but he is difficult to direct. He’s like a really comfortable car with no power steering. He has been in the throws of heavy potty training since some time in May and it has been harder than anything I’ve EVER done.
A while back I wrote in his blog about a breakthrough I had found in helping him train. He seemed to react well and we came to a new level in our quest for potty independence. I was highly encouraged until last week. Monday night, Tuesday night and Wednesday night he wet his bed. He has only done this once or twice in the previous months so I was really surprised. I think he was staying in bed later and too lazy or too out of it to get up and go without some encouragement. I didn’t get too upset but we talked about it and I started making sure to go wake him up around 6:00 so that he could go to the bathroom. Worse than the bed wetting though, he just seemed to quit going to the bathroom to go potty. He just peed and pooped in his pants for three days straight and nothing I did changed it. He seemed to have just given up. So I did too. After some tearful and frustrating conversations and prayers I just got out the diapers and told him we are done potty training. I told him that I am tired of cleaning up his messes and that he could just wear a diaper now. He seemed fine with that and as I walked away from him I heard him say…”so my pee training is not working.”
Friday and Saturday he lived in a diaper and I rested. I mean, I still did stuff, but it was so freeing not to have to remind him, beg him and fight with him all day about going to the bathroom. I felt like I was on vacation. He got tired of it. He was asking by Friday evening if he could wear underwear now. I wanted him to really, really want to wear them, so I made him go through Saturday as well. Sunday morning I let him wear underwear again and every time I reminded him he went without complaining. I am unconvinced that we have completely won this war, but I am confident that each battle gets us a little closer.
Friday also brought a snow day for Owen. He’s only in pre-school but it was so cute to see the kids in his class getting excited and discussing the formulas for ensuring they would not have to go to school the next day. When I picked him up on Thursday I heard the long list of snow day voo-doo practices, from wearing pajamas inside out to sleeping with a spoon under your pillow. We didn’t have such pagan rituals when I was in school…we just prayed. Of course it’s all in good fun and I enjoyed seeing Owen taking in the ideas his classmates with older siblings were feeding the crowd. Other than watching the weather a bit I forgot about all the rituals until we were about to turn the lights out at bedtime. Owen leaned in toward me, gave me a hug and whispered, “I don’t want to sleep with a spoon under my pillow.” He was grinning and I knew what he meant. He really loves going to school and the thought of snow keeping him at home wasn’t ideal to him. The next day he was actually disappointed when I told him we wouldn’t be going to school. However, when I urged him to look outside and told him that we would all go out to play in it for a little while, his smile was set right again and he had a blast. There was just enough snow to play in, make a few snowballs and really enjoy looking at. It lasted only about half the day and then we watched it disappear from sight. Once Ivan was tired of the cold, I took he and Aron in to thaw out. Owen didn’t last much longer as it isn’t nearly as fun to throw snowballs without a target, and soon joined us at the kitchen counter for hot chocolate in Christmas mugs. Any other mugs simply wouldn’t do.
I finished all but a few of my Christmas cards and got them sent out on Friday. If you haven’t gotten yours yet, you probably will soon. There are still a few addresses I’m looking for. If you have gotten yours…you’ll see how hard it is to get three squirmy boys to sit still for a picture. I could not get a picture with all three of them looking at me, so I went for funny instead.
Which brings me back around to giving up. I’m realizing the joy of being a quitter lately. I don’t mean a quitter on commitments that I’m too lazy to keep, but being a quitter on expectations and challenges that no one is keeping score on except me. I know I posted a while back about my pastor praying over me and telling me I need to relax. I play those words in my head over and over. Relax…Who’s watching? Who do you think is going to be let down if you aren’t perfect? Who do you think is going to give you a trophy if you are? Nobody. I’m realizing that I need to replace my fear of failure with faith for failure. If I fail, somebody has to keep believing in me, and that’s where fear and faith have their battle. I know…that I am loved. I have/need the faith to believe that no matter how despicably I fail I will be able to look into the eyes of my Savior and see His confidence in me. Despite my inability to impress my neighbors and friends with the perfectly decorated home and the most polite and well mannered, non-wet children there is still potential in me and I am a valuable instrument to the kingdom of God. The truth is I don’t need anyone to tell me this…I have known it for a long time. I just need to convince myself that I don’t have to prove it. Jesus already did that.
Funny how God speaks the same theme to several people at once. I too am reveling in not having to prove anything. I don’t recall feeling this relaxed in years.
The pictures of the boys are so sweet. What a great snow day, huh? I wasn’t expecting it at all but it was really fun. So did you guys sled down the hill behind your house? That would be so fun. If the roads weren’t so wretched when it snows, I’d just invite us over to sled with you 😉
You’ve got to be kidding, that wouldn’t even register as *snow* here, and it closed school in Tennessee? Bunch of wimps 🙂
I had a lot of trouble potty training Gabe as well. Do you have Ivan clean himself up after he has an accident? That seemed to help Gabe a little bit. He still wets the bed every night, but that seems to be in his genes. My brothers did for a while and so did my husband when they were all kids.
Hang in there, Mary! Be encouraged: I’ve never known a 20 year old man get upset about a poor job review and start peeing on the floor in protest. He will learn eventually. 🙂
Oh and we got your Christmas letter and the picture today. Thank you so much! The boys are getting so big.
I loved the pictures. Good parenting or not, you have 3 adorable sons. You know I have recently enjoyed the value in quitting. It’s not the same situation, but I think there’s some wisdom in not expecting more of yourself than is realistic. That’s certainly not intended to ignore the mountains of help Christ gives us, but it’s also important to embrace the fact that we don’t have to expect perfection 100% of the time.
Can’t we all get a snow day? I sure could use one tomorrow. Something tells me it’s not going to happen. I’ll tell you what, it’s downright frigid around here right now, though. It’s 6 with the wind chill.
A snow day sounds absolutely heavenly. It’s going to be 80 here all week long 🙁
And I was going to say the same thing Michelle did – when Andrew was struggling (and really should have known better, too; he was awful to potty train), I ended up making him clean himself up. My mom suggested, and I took it up, having him swish his soiled big boy pants in the toilet until I deemed them clean enough. He really, really hated that. It seemed to help. For us anyway. They all have their own minds about these things.
Can you please, please make the snow come back in exactly 10 days? We’d like to play with the boys in it while we’re there. Thanks 🙂
THANK YOU. With everything in me, thanks you for that last paragraph. Oh! And way to go with the potty thing. Mackenzie didn’t train until I gave up, either.
Love the last paragraph! Very well said.