Oh Dear!

I’ve had quite the emotional roller coaster of late. I don’t feel the greatest of course and that’s something I’m trying to live above, but there are days when the combination of other circumstances make it more difficult.

Thursday night I scratched and dented Kris’ car, and though I felt really bad that night for my stupidity, the next day I literally felt sick to my stomach about it. I had backed into a bush at a friends house, because I was trying to avoid asking for help. Instead of asking Tisra (whose generosity would probably have driven me home if I had asked it) to move her van a couple feet I tried to back around it and another car only to side swipe a bush/tree on the side of the drive. Oh Dear! Why is it so hard to ask for a little help? Another lesson learned. Not only did I still have to ask for a hand in finally getting out, I had to swallow my pride and admit what I had done to car and bush in the process. Thankfully, Amy hates her bush, so I didn’t mar something of great value for her. Kris, on the other hand isn’t too keen on the prize I left him. He was awfully nice about it though and the hug I got made me feel a lot better. I think once I’m a little more physically ready I’ll offer to help Amy destroy her bush, since she seems bent on the idea anyway. It could be some sort of therapy we could both benefit from.

The past few mornings I’ve been very good about getting up before the sun and spending my time reading and journaling in the quiet. Our house is quite full and I think I really need that time even more than usual. I usually go back to bed for a little while afterward and get a few more minutes of rest before the early risers (usually Owen is up first) come prancing into my little dream world. As I’ve sought God’s presence and comfort I realize how much I take for granted of His provision. He isn’t waiting to come to my aid once I’m in labor. He is ready to hand down His comfort and victory right now. And the greatest battle I face is not delivery of the baby, it’s the stability of my mind these last days before he arrives. I don’t have to ride a roller coaster, though I know that no one blames me, I don’t like the emotional kind. I’d much rather take a good hike with my emotions than sail up and down with my stomach reeling. I understand there are physical things that do make it hard to wear a smile all the time, but that’s not really the goal. Just keeping my mind focused on what is important and clear enough to make good decisions and accept a little help now and then. It’s a good idea to remember that God has provided me with more than the ability to help myself, He’s given me helping hands every where I turn, if I’ll take them.