Things They Should Teach In School

I am compiling a list. A list of things that are obviously left untaught at home or school. The first item, and the only one I’ll be covering today, is bathroom etiquette.

Bathroom Etiquette 101:
I don’t wish to make this too long…the basic rule is simple enough. Do unto others what you would have them do unto you. Or, in restroom terms: Leave the toilet the way you’d like to find it.

I don’t think any of us want to be greeted by a commode that tells tales of all who have previously made use of it. Why then are there so many seemingly respectable people who walk out of a restroom and leave things unclean? There are different rules for men than for women and I want to quickly cover them.

Men:
Put the toilet seat down again after using the commode…no one wants to accidentally sit on the nasty cold rim of a toilet and don’t give me the “look where your sitting” comment…grow up and put the seat back down! Not only is the thought of sitting on this disgusting…I don’t want to see where you’ve missed your mark. How hard is it to aim that thing? If you can’t keep it in the bowl than sit down like a human being and have a little respect for the people behind you. If there are droplets on the rim of the toilet, how much is on the floor? Am I getting it on my shoes, or worse yet, my pants if they are very long? Blech! (on a side note, if I am ever in the home of all bachelors and I find the seat up each time I enter the bathroom…I do not get offended. In fact, as a guest in the all male home I have on occasion returned the seat to it’s upright position after use in order to accommodate my host and not surprise him with a smaller target. However, these males should consider that they may one day marry and these habits should be put away before that time. It will make their lives much easier once they have to share the space.) What happened to chivalry anyway…the damsel in distress wants a clean toilet…no shiny amour or white horse are needed if the porcelain throne is in good standing.

Women:
Don’t hover! I think it’s great if the squats you are doing in your daily exercise routine allow you to levitate over the seat for minutes on end but you are making a mess! I know you don’t want to sit where the smelly customer from Wal-mart has just been sitting but there are other options. Many restrooms now offer seat covers…they’re not hard to use and I think you can probably figure it out. If the seat is already defiled, take a moment and grab half a roll of toilet paper to dry it off and then use the seat cover. If the seat cover is not available you can cover the seat with three layers of toilet paper and it has the same effect. Yes, this takes longer but if you are in that big of a hurry, you probably have other issues you need to deal with. I once read an article posted outside a public restroom and I wish I could remember the writer but her words were these…”women who hover should a) clean up after themselves or b) suffer the death penalty.” I laughed because though harsh…I feel that way when I see a splattered toilet seat. Also…if you have children and they splatter…make it a point to clean up after them. No matter who the offending wetness came from or how cute your little angel is…it’s still gross. It’s just not nice and I think you (sister, mother, girlfriend) of all species should know better. You are a selfish person if you leave a mess on the toilet seat…that’s all I have to say.

Okay, this is getting long. I only wish I could put it on a billboard or something. It is a growing problem and as a pregnant female I am exposed to it more often than usual. Please be kind to each other and be neat.

All:
There are a few rules that apply to everyone and I will list them without explanation here.
1. Close the door and don’t make any more sound than is necessary.
2. Wipe.
3. Flush.
4. WASH YOUR HANDS AND DRY THEM IF POSSIBLE.
5. Turn the fan on if necessary and available.
6. Check the area before leaving to see if there’s anything you’ve left behind that would be offensive to the next user.

Here are a few suggestions for those who want to stay clean in a world of public restroom users who could care less.
1. Take antibacterial wipes with you wherever you go. When I traveled for a living I used to carry Lysol into the gas station restrooms with me. It looked silly but I felt better.
2. Cover the seat with guards provided or use toilet paper as suggested above.
3. Go ahead and get your paper towel ready before turning the water on, this way you aren’t using clean hands on possibly contaminated dispenser devices.
4. Dry your hands and then use the paper towel to turn the water off.
5. Use the paper towel to open the door. (if there is no way to throw away the paper towel while standing at the door than this is not recommended as you would have to dirty the floor of the restroom by throwing your paper towel, if this is the case…wipe the door handle, throw away the towel and then exit.)
6. Don’t touch anything ever again.
7. Tell the store clerk or an employee if there is a problem in the restroom. I am convinced that often we find these messes because no one has taken the time to let someone who could actually do something about it know there is a problem. Sometimes this is fruitless but at least you’ve done your part.

If there is anything you’d like to add I am quite accepting of further suggestions on this topic.