The Luxury of Focus

luxury: free or habitual indulgence in or enjoyment of comforts and pleasures in addition to those necessary for a reasonable standard of well-being.

I am realizing as my calendar fills and my clock ticks that maintaining focus is something only those who are willing to indulge in it can achieve. It is not a natural state of things or a simple conclusion to attain. Instead it is a prize, a fulfillment of effort and resolve and it is difficult to maintain.

There was a time when focus was more simple. When I was more able to think only of myself and my own agenda focus came quite easily. Now, I am the wife of a man with a business. He does not ask a lot of me to run his business in the sense of my involvement, but I am required to become more flexible in my schedule, fill in gaps of time and attention for our family and stand on my own at times. I am the mother of three children. I have many demands from them. As they grow those demands do not become fewer, they grow in intensity and ask for more focus. It isn’t hard to change a diaper, it’s frequent and sometimes gross, but it doesn’t require a lot of thought. Answering questions my 2nd grader poses about local history is an adjustment in my ability to pay attention to what’s in front of me. When you add the ministries I am involved in at church, this blog, your blog, girl’s nights, children’s activities, friends coming over, birthday parties approaching, cooking dinner and of course facebook, it becomes more and more dizzying. And I’m not even half as busy as most people I know. I am not trying to make the case for my busyness as much as I am trying to say that life is fast and I am not good at shifting my focus in all of it.

I remember reading at night as a young girl. Pouring myself into a novel and letting it take me places far away. I could read late into the night except for the interruptions my mother posed in insisting that it was time for the light to go out. I remember how quickly my gaze could go from tiny print to half open bedroom door across the room and lock onto my mother’s face, negotiate a deal to finish the page or chapter I was on and no more, and then return to tiny print without missing a bit of focus. My eyes were younger, they adjusted quickly to near and far, large and small. Now, though my eyes are in very good shape for their age, they require a bit of time between objects, a moment to narrow or widen to go from page to face, near to far and vice versa.

It seems that responsibility, not so much age I think, holds the same grip on my mental focus. I cannot devote to the trivial as much of my attention because the priority of my family holds too much weight. Shifting back and forth is too taxing, too risky, I am forced to choose where I will hold my gaze. The adjustment between these two is a detriment to both, but there is only one I refuse to fail.

I want to purchase the luxury of focus and realize it’s lasting value in the lives of my family and in the way it allows me to remember what happened in our lives.

So I am practicing in the busy season. Saying “yes” to what is fruitful and “no” to what is sometimes simply fun. Never losing the perspective that fun is often fruitful too, and fruitful has often been fun. I am becoming better at sizing up the projects and weighing the cost of time against what is gained.

In all of it, I realize that focus is not so much unattainable, but it is had at a price. It is not always necessary and I can do what needs to be done to survive with my hands at work and my mind shifting here and there as demanded. However, I desire it. I want to be engaged in the things that matter. I want to purchase the luxury of focus and realize it’s lasting value in the lives of my family and in the way it allows me to remember what happened in our lives.

Here again I must acknowledge the importance of daily spiritual renewal. Can I give my family what they need if I am empty of what matters most to their well being? Of course not. The easiest thing to omit from my morning is the most important of all. How forgiving is our God in watching us stumble through our days without Him. Goodness and Mercy must follow us some days I think, simply because we have taken off without our Shepherd. Grace proves His great patience and understanding as we settle in and catch up on His Word, His attention, His vision and destiny for our lives. And then…how much more clearly I can see those faces and hearts I desire to focus on, when my eyes have first devoured His focus. I am enabled to see as He sees and love as He loves. It is only with His focus that I can determine before I make commitments which things are beneficial and which things are simply permissible. Is soccer a time consumer that will be worth it to my child into his manhood, time will tell, but God can tell me without waiting. Are music lessons something to keep fingers busy and enhance learning, or will they stir a gift that will be used to bring souls to repentance? Time will tell, but the Word will confirm quickly and continue doing so when doubts and pressure try to overwhelm. My focus works best when it is adjusted, maintained and measured by the Word of God.

I have walked through many days without first becoming His, with poor focus I have successfully navigated the bends in busy roads and even come out with pats on the back for my great effort. I have lived without focus and survived, but I have lived with it rested in the outcome. Focus isn’t always necessary, but it’s a luxury that is well worth the price.