True To Life Tuesday

Absentmindedness is one of my strong suits. I have wonderful people around me who understand it and seem to work around it beautifully, but I am often at a loss to defend myself. I know I have three children. I know things get busy sometimes but I have to be honest. I’ve ALWAYS been this way.

I can remember hunting frantically for my hairbrush one morning when I was a college student. I finally decided to look in the least obvious place and found it laying neatly alongside the milk in the refrigerator. Why? Well, I don’t know. I must have had it in my hand on my way through the kitchen and got distracted either by getting something out or putting something away in the fridge. Who knows? I did find I am not alone. I Googled “hairbrush in the fridge” and found a lot of, well, it was mostly NOT encouragement.

In case you’re wondering I’m kinda old and all this happened before I knew the hairbrush song, so no, I wasn’t singing it.

But you might be.

As a younger child I was a good kid, I wanted to be helpful and responsible but I was constantly giving grief to my mother unintentionally. I absolutely HATED being looked over when responsibilities were doled out and I was left with something small and inconsequential that never garnered praise or gratitude. Positive attention was my crack cocaine and I rarely earned it around the house for anything practical. My praise came in performance, where I seemed to be much more at ease and focused. If there were a song to be sung, I sang it louder and attempted to sing it prettier. If there were a joke to be told I told it with more animation and better timing. I loved the attention where I deserved it, but I wanted it everywhere. I wanted to be the best at everything and I am still growing out of that phase.

My mother’s lack of assurance in my servitude was understandable. There are many examples of my carelessness that left her no choice. One example that always comes to mind is when she would ask me to run to the basement and get canned goods. I remember the following scenario happening on numerous occasions.

“Mary, go get me three cans of tomato juice from the basement” she would say.

I would run to the basement and think of all sorts of subjects on the way. It’s quite possible I was/am ADD. by the time I got to the basement I would stand among the shelves and stare at them, completely absent of any memory of what she asked for. Was it beans or pickles, what did she want? The embarrassment in this dilemma would rise up my back, literally a physical feeling that burned up my neck and swallowed my head, leaving a fire in my eyes that threatened to bring tears.

I had done it again. One moment it was in my mind, the next it was gone. Why did I let this happen? What was I thinking about? The only two solutions were to guess and hope I somehow managed to bring her the right jars, or go back and ask. I tried guessing a few times, but I don’t remember ever being right, so more often then not I would return empty handed, head bowed in shame and ask her again, what she had asked for. Her response was never encouraging. Most days she was patient enough, but even her gentle teasing cut me to the quick. “Alright Scatter-Brain, three cans of tomato juice, remember it this time.”

This is not something I’ve grown out of. Unfortunately there is no one else here making sure I get it right and I have on more than one occasion ruined things, overlooked things, wasted things and painfully had to take the brunt of the shame all on my own. Kris has never said the slightest thing to make me feel bad about my carelessness, but I surely feel it from myself. My mistakes can be costly and there is nothing encouraging that comes from throwing time and money down the drain.

Recently, I made two things in the kitchen that I ruined. One was a batch of ice cream. I made it, tasted it, put it in a plastic container and set it in the freezer…or so I thought. Not until about three hours later did it dawn on me that I had no visual memory of placing it in the freezer. I couldn’t remember what I had done but experience has taught me that looking in ‘almost’ the right place is a good start. Sure enough, it was a milky mass in the fridge. The ice cream isn’t exactly inedible. I did put it in the freezer as soon as I could, but it’s not the same.

My second destructive act of the week was on Friday morning when I decided much too late to make a cake for my brother-in-law who is visiting. His birthday was Friday and he loves my Reubmommy’s Velvet Lunch Cake. I realized, that I had just enough time to put it together and bake it before leaving to run errands and meet he and my sister and several others for a birthday lunch. Somehow though, I was wrong in my timing. I had an appointment at 11:00 in Goodlettsville and all morning I was thinking, “I need to leave at 11:00.” That is how I roll, and stumble and regularly trip up.

Once I realized I had 40 minutes less time to get ready I was 90% done mixing up the cake batter. No matter I thought. I’ll just put it in the fridge and bake it tonight. They might even want to come by after lunch or something, who knows. I rushed through the rest of my “get out the door” routine and the boys and I arrived at our appointment at 11:00 on the nose.

After our appointment, a 1:00 birthday lunch, a visit to the Barnes and Noble, a stop for mini-blizzards at DQ and a 35 minute drive home I was ready to bake that cake. I got the boys out of the van and off to play and opened the fridge only to be mystified at it’s absence. Once again I looked in my own head for a visual memory of placing it in the fridge but came up dry. My eyes shot across the kitchen to the counter top where I had so smoothly poured the thick and rich, yummy egg whipped, buttermilk thickened batter into a plastic container and there it was. The lid wasn’t even on it and it had been sitting there for nearly 7 hours. I wasn’t happy, but I’ve come to a place where I no longer cry as I pour things down the drain.

It’s a learning experience I told myself. Not that I expect myself to learn not to do things like this, I’ve lost all hope. More of a practice session on making that recipe. I haven’t mastered it in my opinion. It’s still not as good as when Reubmommy made it and that is, in my mind, a performance. I know I can improve a performance.