I was watching a competition show. Reality TV at it’s finest. One person will win an amazing deal to become suddenly rich and famous, and weeks and weeks of eliminations reveal so much about the competitive and truly vindictive spirit within men and women who want the prize at all cost. It can get ugly.
I’m always looking for the humble heart, I want to find someone to cheer for. Not because they are the underdog, but because they see the talent around them and respect it without losing confidence. It is possible to be competitive and still be kind.
One woman faces the judges with clear joy. Her talented production was chosen above the others this time. Her glee was obvious, her joy was not just in being chosen though, it was in being chosen above others. That was the goal. I had been watching her in the previous shows, disgusted by her pride and her vengeful heart. Here and there, however, as I gained small glimpses into her life I began to see her differently. Her attitude was still abhorrent. I saw the broken little girl inside her though. I saw how even now, as an adult, she was forced to deal with being called names because of her weight. She was forced to make up for other’s inconsistencies because she wasn’t pretty. She was forced to take the bottom rung because she was misunderstood. She was forced to stand alone because she didn’t have family that could come support her. She was forced to admit she didn’t know what was expected of her because she’d never been able to afford the experience of the refined and elite example of what the judges were looking for.
And that’s where her thoughts stopped.
And that’s why she wasn’t happy. She was gaining confidence in her ability, but she still didn’t see that her ability was not what defined her. She felt she was gaining an identity, but she was only giving greater life to what she was trying to overcome.
She didn’t finish the thought. And how could she? Without Jesus, she won’t see beyond where she is. Without the cross she won’t see that she can leave the past behind. Without new life, she will always have to fight the creep of death inside her soul.
I’ve had thoughts like hers.
“I can’t compete with them because I’ve never run in those circles.”
“I don’t have a degree.”
“I will never be that beautiful, no matter what I do, I can’t become what they are.”
“I’ll never be cool.”
If my thoughts stop there, I am left with the need to overcome others, fight with others in order to gain a greater position. If I finish the thought though, it goes something like this:
“I’m so glad God put me in the home He put me in, with the people who’ve influenced me for success and joy, I don’t know what those people have had to lose in order to gain what they have, I’m just glad for where He placed me.”
“I know that God gave me exactly the education I need for what He wants me to contribute to His kingdom. If I ever need a degree, I know He will provide the time and money for that too.”
“Isn’t it wonderful that God has place beauty within my heart, and that the people who love me aren’t paying attention to what I can’t attain, but instead rejoice with me in the light of Christ that is allowed to shine far beyond my outer beauty?”
“I’m so glad I’ve never been cool, it seems like a stressful standard to maintain, and I don’t think Jesus was very cool either. He was far too interested in building up and loving others to be cool.”
You cannot finish the thought without something to fill in that blank. Where do we go to finish the thought? The Word of God of course. He has the wisdom and the understanding we need for each defeating thought to be won over by victorious truth.
We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ,
2 Corinthians 10:5
Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth.
Colossians 3:2
Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven.
Matthew 5:16
For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them.
Ephesians 2:10
Instruct those who are rich in this present world not to be conceited or to fix their hope on the uncertainty of riches, but on God, who richly supplies us with all things to enjoy. Instruct them to do good, to be rich in good works, to be generous and ready to share, storing up for themselves the treasure of a good foundation for the future, so that they may take hold of that which is life indeed.
1 Timothy 6:17-19
and let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds,
Hebrews 10:24
Bless the Lord, O my soul,
Psalm 103:2-5
And forget none of His benefits;
Who pardons all your iniquities,
Who heals all your diseases;
Who redeems your life from the pit,
Who crowns you with lovingkindness and compassion;
Who satisfies your years with good things,
So that your youth is renewed like the eagle.
Do you hear the hope in the Word of God? Do you hear the beauty in the finished thought? I don’t want to live in the despair of a fact, that isn’t finished with the truth.
For years Christians have tried to use the world’s weapons to fight insecurities and failed esteem. I cannot look at myself in the mirror and say, “man, I look good!” and call that self-esteem. I am not blind to my flaws or my failings. It’s a fact that I am not as thin as I’d like, sometimes my hair just won’t cooperate, and I am just not the bright eyed youthful little person I was in my 20’s. But that isn’t something to stop at, and that isn’t something I have to overcome. That is just a fact, within an unfinished thought.
I am where I am, looking as I look, doing what I do, with what I have, to the Glory of God and the joy of my soul. I love me, despite my failure to be more disciplined, despite my weaknesses, and despite my genetic dispositions. I love me because the finished thought tells me that God can use me right here, right now, just like this, and fulfill me in all of it. I love me because the God who is powerful enough to draw boundaries for the ocean, and keep the planets in order, visits me in the stillness of my quiet time, and tells me that He enjoys our time together. I love me, because I can’t help it. The new creation is made to love, and it includes ourselves. If we are not loving ourselves, it isn’t because we aren’t loveable, it’s because we aren’t walking in His fullness, with His mindset over His creation.
As long as I adore Him, hold Him in the highest esteem, and listen to His Spirit, I will never lose the ability to love myself and finish every thought with the joyful truth of His power, His presence, His purpose, and His love.