Thank You “Aunt Becky”

I’m not writing to air my many thoughts on Lori Loughlin, or her daughter, or their money, or Hollywood, or any of that. I’m writing about me, and us, parents who are just as anxious to see our kids successful but will never have the resources to tempt us to act so shockingly. It’s easy to mock what we could never be, right? Because there’s no chance I’ll ever have the funds to bribe someone to get my sons into a prestigious school. There is a chance though, that I’m a lot like her.

I never really thought I was anxious about the future success of my kids until recently. Owen’s only a freshman, but I’m watching many other parents scrutinize the school, the system, the opportunities, and the future with critical eyes that tell me something’s up. I need to start paying better attention, because it seems that the simple idea of getting a good grade isn’t enough anymore. It seems that higher learning is becoming more expected and more expensive at the same time. It seems that if I want my child to get into a good school I need to be beating down the path for him now. The colleges are already visiting his high school and talking to students who are 14 about what they want to do at 18, 24, and 36.

Then along came “Aunt Becky-Gate” and I felt a little rush of anxiety because if it’s really that hard to get into a school of choice that you have to bribe someone, my wallet and my laid back personality don’t stand a chance.

But it’s not about me. It’s about a lanky 15 year old upstairs trying to finish an essay on whether or not Romeo and Juliet should be read in modern high schools. He can’t decide how he feels on that subject. How would he know what college he wants to go to? Are either of us aware of what we’re getting into here? Should I be desperate?

Seeing anyone desperate for college puts me on edge. It makes me feel two things. Sad for the person acting in desperation, and a little nervous because I’m wondering if I should be desperate too. Am I the only one left because I didn’t claw, elbow, and fight my way to the life boats on this sinking ship?

No… because here’s a little secret… the ship isn’t sinking.

Even in this messed up world, there are opportunities for people who aren’t college bound. Not just a few, but a lot. Good opportunities too. I hope that if we taught our kids anything about a career, it’s that they don’t have to fit into a box to be successful.

My point though, is not about whether college is important, my point is that no matter how important it is, God can get us where we need to be.

My anxiety has grown as Owen has matured, not lessened. I didn’t think it would be this way, and I don’t like it, but I’m learning, sometimes the hard way, that whether it’s college, a career choice, a girl, or the money they raise for a mission trip in the summer, it’s NOT MY JOB to make a path for their success. It’s my job to give them all the tools they need to make their own path, and I’ve been doing that for years. Watching them try to handle those tools though, and seeing them hurt themselves sometimes, that’s HARD!

The Bible tells me clearly that success is not determined by power or might.

Not by might, nor by power, but by my Spirit, says the LORD of hosts.

Zechariah 4:6 b

Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.

Psalm 20:7

With him is an arm of flesh, but with us is the LORD our God, to help us and to fight our battles.

2 Chronicles 32:8

There are many, many, more verses like that. They are all the message of a Father to His children saying, “You can’t do what I can do. If you let go and allow me to do what needs doing, NOTHING can stop the plan.”

So when I see “Aunt Becky” breaking the law to make a path for her kids, I have to realize I’m so close to doing the same thing on a smaller scale when I become anxious for what I see as opportunity. What I know, and what I hope other parents will see is that we are not up against a host of other families all shooting for the same star. We are simply following a path that God has laid out, and it is not me against all of the others on the path, it is God against anything that would come against His plan.

I. Can’t. lose.

When I am fully trusting in His plan, His way, His timing, His direction, I can’t lose because I’m not fighting for anything. I’m resting in EVERYTHING HE IS.

So, yes, thank you “Aunt Becky” for making it so clear. That we aren’t our children’s way makers. We aren’t our kid’s Saviors, and we aren’t required to fight, outperform, or step over any other people for the idea of success in their lives. We wrestle not against flesh and blood, we wrestle on our knees, for the capacity of the souls of our children to be open to the leading of the Holy Spirit. In that venture there is no failure, no lost opportunity, and no need for bribery. Every one of us has His eye and His amazing love. When we lean into Him there is no limit to where He can take us, or our children.