My Everything

I see so many quotes, articles, messages, letters, all sorts of beautiful words to say how important someone is to someone else.

I understand it’s important to communicate these things. I understand how heartfelt and sincere everyone is.

I can’t join in though. I just can’t.

No matter how much I love and adore my husband…and I do.

No matter how genuinely honored I feel to be my kid’s mom…and I am.

No matter how grateful I am for my dad’s care and my mother’s constant nurture.

No matter how much I appreciate my brother and sisters.

No matter how deeply I sense the faithfulness of a friend.

Nothing, nothing, nothing compares to the constancy and depth of love I receive and return to my Savior.

When I use words to describe my relationships on earth, my parallel relationships, I can never use words so absolute that they supersede my affection for my God, my vertical relationship.

I remember in college when I was experimenting with song writing. I couldn’t write love songs. I couldn’t put passion behind them because most of what seemed worth writing was reserved for a much more faithful friend. There are so many beautiful lyrics that sing of uncompromising adoration, but they are sung to the wrong heart.

I passionately and purposefully love my husband, but he is not EVERYTHING to me.

I dearly love my sisters, but they are not my DEAREST friends.

I cannot express how connected and full I am in regard to my children, but they are not my GREATEST joy.

Yes, I love my family. I do have sons I’m very proud of. I have incredible friends…really incredible friends and family both.

But…

They do not read my heart in the dark and quiet,
seed my hope with promises that are later fulfilled,
fill me with affection from the inside out,
soothe my rambling mind with peace without a single word spoken,
protect me from dangers I didn’t know existed,
direct me on paths of success that logic wouldn’t have chosen,
answer my questions with instant wisdom,
hear my worries and calm me with remembrances of power, love and soundness of mind.

These intentional affections are from my Jesus. My true love. My first. My most. My deepest joy.

He cannot fail me.

I reserve my greatest terms of endearment for Him.

Recently I read the sweet words of a mother promising her child her ardent devotion. It was beautiful and I understood her and believed her heart totally, but I nearly wept with sadness for her daughter.

You can’t promise tomorrow. God doesn’t promise any of us tomorrow. He only promises Himself.

Don’t tell your baby that you’ll be there no matter what, because you know what? You might not.

Tell your children that God will be there no matter what. Tell them WHO they can trust.

I’m so glad that I had a good mom. I trusted her greatly. She never promised me that she would always be available to me though, she never told me that she would offer her shoulder at every turn. She never once looked at me and said “forever” in regard to herself.

Then, one day, she had to say goodbye. Circumstances so far beyond her control wreaked havoc on her body and she left us to be with the only One who can promise forever. The One she had pointed us to. The One she pushed us to lean on.

And I was sad. I was very, very sad.

But I knew where to go, I knew what to do, I knew where my comfort was. It wasn’t buried in a box in the ground.

My solace wasn’t in her,
so I didn’t lose my relationship
and my comforter as well.

I only lost a connection.

One I can reunite with one day because her greatest “always,” her most ardent “forever” was about the Savior who would bring us face to face again.

And even if she weren’t there…

I know that Savior. I know a greater joy than any other relationship can bring.

I will never promise my boys a lifetime of support. I will never tell them I’ve got their back in the pits and hurdles they will face down the road. I will never let them believe that I won’t fail.

I will sleep through their cries some nights.

I will miss a ballgame.

I will say the wrong thing.

I will misunderstand.

I will love them like crazy through all of it, but now and then…

I will fail.

Everyone does.

I will instead tell them about Jesus Christ, the one who took my failures and offered me abundant life.

I will teach them to look to Him, go to Him, pray to Him before they come to me or their dad.

I will teach them to know Him deeply and intimately and I will be faithful to Him so that I can love them with a greater love than I have on my own. I will offer God to them, and God. is. love.

I will do the same for my husband, for my family, for my friends and my church and the people I pass on the sidewalk, because I don’t have enough good in me to spread that far or last forever. I only have Christ. He is my forever. He is my Everything.