They Upend Me

These boys. These men in the making. They upend me.

I watch them play with their Lego bricks. Pouring out onto the table every block. The rainbow of mess and mystery plummeting down with a rush of excitement.

I’ve wondered why they dump it all out at once. Why must everything be out?

The other day one stayed home from school with a fever. He approached me with a request. “Can you help me find the piece I need?”

I found a few minutes for him and joined him around his work table. He showed me on the instruction sheet what he needed and we began the hunt. He had a purpose in all of it. A reason. He needed specific parts and pieces, they must all be put on in a certain order and his need drove him to upend all of it in order to find what was missing.

There are days when I find myself dumped out on the floor in pieces. My colorful mess, some black some white and everything in between laying across the length of a room and I am not happy. Why did this happen, why is it that I am poured out uncovered, unorganized and unwelcome? So often it is them…one of them or all of them. So often they find ways under foot, to throw off balance the careful steps I’m taking.

The questions, the quiet insistence, the curious experiments and the determined interruptions have upset the balance at times, and I am spilled out. Unplanned lectures and unfettered glares are tipped from someplace I didn’t even know they were hiding and I wonder. Do they do this because they’re looking for something? Does need drive them to upend all of me in order to find what is missing?

Will they find it in my mess?

Everyday they are building character. Everyday they are looking for the specific pieces that will put them together purposefully. They need to be put together in a certain order.

“Can you help me find the PEACE I need?” they may as well be asking.

And as I repent again and again for showing my colors, I question why I have stored away so many dark pieces. What am I holding inside that needs this upending? Forgiveness comes in the folds of the instruction manual. Putting purpose to each pain, and working all the pieces into a plan for my good.

I realize as I survey the mess, if I look at each page of these many instructions, there is a place for every single piece. Not one is without purpose. I reach out and find one I think odd and he grabs it from me with excitement to tell me what vehicle or building it completes.

I have instructions too. The Word, my full color guide to purpose. With it, I am made whole. Every piece used for good.

And I’ve learned, that someone who is poured out, can’t be upended. I’ve learned that I find refreshment in refreshing them. I’ve learned that it is only when I insist on keeping myself upright, that I am losing control. Bending low. Pouring out. Even stumbling, can be a grace.

These boys. These men in the making. They upend me, and I am grateful.