Proverbs 19:18
New American Standard Bible (NASB)
18 (A)Discipline your son while there is hope,
And do not desire [a]his death.
Footnotes:
Proverbs 19:18 Lit. causing him to die
Proverbs 19:18
King James Version (KJV)
18 Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying.
Proverbs 19:18
Amplified Bible (AMP)
18 Discipline your son while there is hope, but do not [indulge your angry resentments by undue chastisements and] set yourself to his ruin.
Same verse…so many ways to read it.
When I read it this morning I read in the King James and considered it to mean…Chasten him while there is a chance for him to change, and don’t be afraid to make him cry, it’s for his good.
When I went to the Amplified it had a totally different meaning. Discipline your son while there is hope. That hope isn’t for his welfare as much as it is for your own ability to control yourself in this verse. Do not indulge your angry resentments by undue chastisements and set YOURSELF to his ruin.
We do more harm in letting little things go undisciplined and then allowing them to build up to anger inducing punishment, than we do in correcting the little things before they become actions that cause undue chastisement. Undue chastisements that set us on the path to ruining them. Isn’t that what it says?
I spank my kids. I do it without apology, but I do not hit my kids, I do not smack my kids, and I do not randomly throw my hand at them because they’ve irritated me, embarrassed me or otherwise frustrated me.
Our anger, even if it’s just our voice criticizing and rebuking them, is much more dangerous than any well timed spanking. Speak while there is hope. Set them down while there is hope. Deal firmly while there is hope. While there is still a confidence within you that they will, can, and want to, do what is right.
We lose our hope when we demand over and over and over again, only to find them ignoring us. We lose our hope because we perceive them demanding their own way, believing they know better than we do, choosing wrong over right perpetually. In truth, we have not given them our hope by our repeated demands. We have given them more opportunities to choose their own way.
When we continually give them another chance to make the same mistakes, we call it patience, they see it as permissiveness. There is no security in permissiveness.
We MUST render our own words as truth by following through the first time we instruct.
I saw this played out this morning. Ivan was told to get dressed for school. He didn’t. I sent him to my room where I gave him one spank with the spanking spoon. We talked about this punishment and why it was being dealt. He agreed with me that it was just. He took it very bravely and he was all happiness and cooperation the rest of the morning.
Owen, who I typically don’t even have to speak to about getting ready, was caught up in some football cards this morning and my many reminders to get ready went unheeded. I didn’t deal with him the same way, because I always have “hope” with Owen in the mornings. He rarely causes me to lose that “hope” that he will be ready on time. It didn’t go that way today. By the time we got in the van I heard my voice reaching peaks of discontent and frustration with him. I did not lose my temper, but he certainly felt my frustration and I was too much. Even though he was behind me and I couldn’t see his face, I felt him cower. I stopped immediately to reassess my own emotions. How did I get here? It was in not disciplining while there was hope. I should have dealt with him (taken his cards away from him until he was ready to go) immediately, just as I had with Ivan, and I told him as much.
I reached behind my seat while I was driving and asked to hold his hand. I told him that I loved him, I’m proud of him and I knew that he would have a good day. I renewed my hope in him. Not because he proved himself, but because I repented of my own lack of discipline.
We can “hope” in these kids. We can expect great things, but we can’t expect them to get there on their own. They need our patient and steadfast guidance. They need our attention and our unselfishness with our time and affection.
Stand up to the temptation that comes against them, while there is hope.
Stand up to the weariness that tries to change them, while there is hope.
Stand up to the heaviness that pulls them inward, while there is hope.
Stand up to the distractions that cause them to wander, while there is hope.
As long as there is hope, we are free to love them unconditionally, just as we are loved unconditionally. We can believe in them without reserve and guide them with confidence, just as our heavenly Father takes pride, joy and has confidence in us.
“Beloved, now we are children of God, and it has not appeared as yet what we will be. We know that when He appears, we will be like Him, because we will see Him just as He is. And everyone who has this hope fixed on Him purifies himself, just as He is pure.” 1 John 3:2-3