Who’s the Boss?

I decided to try putting Aron in charge of cleaning the playroom the other morning.

It was interesting.

It was his job to clean it up and he had his older brothers at his disposal.

First I had an 8 year old meekly crawl into my lap and explain to me that he doesn’t really like someone younger than him telling him what to do.

I encouraged him to cooperate and think of how he wants people to cooperate with him.

He did too. Both older brothers worked with Aron for a good 10 minutes. Then Ivan started playing more than picking up, Owen did nothing until he was specifically told to and both figured out that if they distracted Aron well enough, all the bossiness ceased.

The playroom is still messy.

I’m okay with that. That’s why we have a playroom.

I’m trying to give them each a little practice at being in charge. Being the boss, the big cheese and all. They have so many differences but as little men (or women if I had girls), they are going to face circumstances where they need to lead. They are going to have opportunity to make decisions, delegate and follow through.

I was quite often found with my head in the clouds as a child, my imagination souring far beyond my abilities or education and when I was asked to take on a task or lead an effort I got distracted, forgot things and ultimately, failed miserably most of the time. I UNDERSTAND why my older sister was given the title of “in charge” most often, but I wish my mom had pursued it a little more with me. Sometimes for a busy mom though, you just gotta hand off to the one you know will carry the ball.

That said, I am trying to continue giving my boys practice at being the boss. Ivan in particular has so much of my distracted and imaginative temperament, he needs lots and lots of practice to get beyond it. If I continue to only give responsibility to Owen, or even Aron, Ivan will learn, as I did, that he’s only good at certain things, he’s only successful if someone else is leading and he will soon limit himself to only those tasks that he knows he can do, instead of realizing that he can be trained to excel at many things.

I am trying to present responsibility in it’s most creative light so that he is not overwhelmed by it, but challenged to embrace it. Picking up his room creates an empty canvas for other activities. Helping me clean the bathrooms allows him to make faces in a clean mirror. Schedules and routine allow us to know what’s coming and take the stress off of our play. Getting our chores done each day leaves us more free space for even more creative time.

Every time I get things DONE…all the way done…in a day and wake up to clean counters, drawers full of clean clothes, carpets anyone can lay down, play, or exercise on and creative tools clean, organized and ready for my right brain I am so grateful and see so much more opportunity. Being done and organized presents choices. I love choices. I’m trying to pass that on to him and his brothers. I can’t correct them without changing me and it’s a process.

Being the boss has to start with my own habits and my own joy in the results. I don’t enjoy fixing me, but these boys are worth it.