True to Life Tuesday: Ivan’s Birthday

I just got back from taking cookies to Ivan’s class at school for his birthday.

Six years ago this morning, I was very excitedly laboring to deliver an early Christmas present. Ivan was due on Christmas day, but chose wisely to come a little early for us. He was quickly whisked away as his breathing was abnormally labored and I recovered at home for a few hours with my friend Tisra nearby, folding the laundry and entertaining Owen for me. I don’t even remember how all of it went down. Who took Owen? When did that happen? Did Eric come and get him? I know Tisra ended up taking me to the hospital to be with Kris and Ivan late in the afternoon. It was getting dark on the way there. She was so careful with me. I was such a mix of emotions I didn’t know how to feel. I was too excited and happy to be upset about him being in the hospital, but I was aware of the fact that this was NOT how it was supposed to go down. I’m thankful for the exuberance of a good birth experience, I probably would have melted if I had only the words of the doctors to influence me.

Instead, I remained upbeat. The only time I broke down was when Kris and I made a trip home to gather some needed supplies and wash a few clothes. Suddenly the “ideal” that wasn’t to be, crawled up into my brain and started making a nest. I got over it pretty quickly and God was so gracious to provide me with so much support and encouragement. Friends, family, and strangers approached with kindness and I was grateful.

Owen was having a blast being passed around from one friend’s house to another. He LOVED it. I was more worried about him than I was Ivan. Thinking I wasn’t with him to help him adjust to having this new boy in the house, only to find he had more fun than he would have had anywhere else. He was only two…adjustment was a breeze.

Ivan came home as healthy as any baby boy should be. There has never been any problems since and his week at Vanderbilt is a proud memory of God’s intervention and grace. That week God answered many prayers, even the silly ones, and every November 29th, I am reminded, not just that I have a beautiful boy to celebrate, but a faithful God to thank for it.

That morning, in the wee hours of darkness when I was the only one who knew that Ivan was on his way I read a lot. I read through several Psalms and held onto it’s encouragement throughout that morning. These words from Jeremiah 29:11 came to me as well, “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.” The date was 11/29 and I was so confident of the significance of his arrival that I held that verse closely that week. I did not fear at all. Not even a little. It was a blessed assurance that only God gives, and I never had to meditate on those words…I just lived in them.

Today, I marvel at him. His unexpected insights and his creativity are especially precious to me. I am fully expectant of great things from him. I know that he came in God’s perfect time and that His hand rests gently on that boy. I know that there will always be a temptation for me to ignore the behavioral mishaps, to let things go and chalk up his minor disobedience to “being creative.” But how can I be careless with something so precious? God protected and rescued his life for the purposes of His Kingdom. I am purposed to remain steadfast in honoring God’s plan for Ivan’s life, not coddling Ivan’s freewill, but directing it.

Today, he took a bite of his cookie before he was supposed to, he talked over his teacher a bit and I had to remind him to zip his pants up on his way back to his class. He isn’t perfect, I can’t be there at every moment and I am not proposing that it is my job to make him perfect. (I am pretty sure I’d have to be perfect myself to do that…and I don’t want to shock anyone, but I’m NOT.) I am trusting that God will show me what needs correcting and what needs encouraging. I am here to love him faithfully and honestly, allowing God’s hands to mold me as I imitate His work on Ivan. It’s a work in progress as I strive to interpret God’s directions and understand His love, but it’s surely one of the best jobs on earth.

Happy Birthday Ivan!

~A more detailed account of Ivan’s birth is here on his blog.