Follow Me

Have you ever followed someone in your car who drove inconsistently? I have. It wasn’t fun.

Some time back I was driving the straight and narrow route home from school with my three little men and their back packs in the van. We were on Division Street which is mostly straight, has only two lanes and is typically well traveled. The vehicle in front of us was driving slow. I don’t mean just speed limit slow, or even a little below the speed limit slow. I mean like 10 below the speed limit slow. Passing him wasn’t an option as it is a double yellow line all the way to our turn, and of course I was getting frustrated. I was only a little frustrated though. Soon, he picked up speed and I was happy.

The funny thing was, he picked up a LOT of speed. Soon he was going equally over the speed limit. I decided that I would not try to make up for the time he stole from me and registered my van at the appropriate speed and set my cruise control, so as not to be distracted by that person God loves in front of me.

Guess what?

He slowed down again. A lot. I had to hit my brakes and slow down a lot too.

Division street between North Green Hill (which is our turn) and Mt. Juliet Rd. (where we turned on) is not that long, but this person’s speed changed up and down drastically about 4 or 5 times. It. Was. So. Annoying. He didn’t seem to be doing it intentionally, worse than that, he just wasn’t paying attention at all.

What almost immediately came to mind that day was a lesson in parenting. I was forced, by nature of when I turned, to follow this person. He was unintentionally leading me. Our children, likewise, are forced to be led by us simply by nature of their birth. They don’t choose us, and we don’t choose them, and they are required to follow. We then have a choice as to how we lead, consistently or inconsistently.

I think as our kids mature we do them such a disservice when we require their full attention one day and then ignore them ourselves the next. We create a list of strict rules and guidelines one day and then are too lazy to enforce them or even acknowledge them a week later. We take them to church and Sunday school for a month and then drop off the deep end when summer hits and the lake is calling. Our inconsistencies can be extreme or slight but kids notice. More often than I care to admit, I have heard my oldest son question me, “I thought you said we were going to ____________ once a week?” (insert some schedule ideal I thought I’d keep.) Enough of those and my kids will begin to turn the cruise control of trust off and find the first place they can turn off of the road I’m taking. When I am inconsistent I make it impossible for my kids to please me. Impossible. Who would want to follow that?

In contrast, I remember a situation in my late teens or early twenties when I was making the long drive from Michigan to Nashville after dark and on my own. I had made it to Louisville and found myself very drowsy and doing that head bob thing. I think I pulled off for a little bit but didn’t feel like I had much choice but to keep going. Soon the drowsy returned and I was getting a little scared. I came up behind a big 18 wheeler whose taillights gave me something even and undisturbed to focus on. I followed him almost all the way home. My eyes stayed open and I was able to measure a distance behind him and stay there. I didn’t realize he even knew I was back there but when he finally took an exit just north of Nashville he honked a good-bye and I was SO THANKFUL he had been there. I felt safe and even somewhat secure by that big truck in front of me. I didn’t know the driver, but I knew that he was going the same direction I wanted to go and that he was driving at a pace I could not only follow but I could trust.

When I am inconsistent
I make it impossible
for my kids to please me.

What an awesome opportunity we have as parents to be a guiding light for our kids. We don’t have to know every detail about their future, we don’t have to sit right beside them every mile of the way, but we can be a comforting outline in front of them. We can make sure to light a consistent glow in front of them. We can be that stability they need, the discipline and alertness they can’t always achieve on their own. Until they are grounded in their own path, we can offer them something to focus on.

When they’re small we carry them, growing our own muscles in the process and establishing the trust they will need far into their teen years. Hopefully, they will want to go the same direction we are going for a good while. Hopefully they will understand that the pace we keep is a consideration of their needs and they will follow us with an abiding trust. Hopefully we will honk a good-bye one day when our path leads us in a slightly different direction, knowing that they will be okay. Hopefully they will have felt safe and secure by that example in front of them.

Hopefully, they will be so thankful that we were there.