It has felt like Monday all day today and I have had a terrible time getting anything done. At one point this morning I just frowned with every bit of my face and said…so far I don’t like today. Thing were happening in all the wrong places, at all the wrong times, but I am hoping that it will turn around shortly. I’m about to eat a late lunch in front of the television, while the boys are all three napping. (Dear God…let them actually nap today…you know we all need it.) Then, I’m going to lay down too because I feel like I’m on the edge of illness and if I lay down just for a little bit…I know I won’t fall.
We went to Gloria’s funeral yesterday and everything went really well. A lot of long ago faces came through the doors of the tiny Methodist church set back in the hills where we prayed and sang and were encouraged in what life and death and eternity mean to us. We saw most of the cousins and had a wonderful lunch together back at the house of a relative and then little by little we parted company. Many different directions with many different perspectives with which to remember the day.
Amy Button watched Ivan and Aron for us while we were occupied with Gloria’s service. It was SUCH a blessing for us. Owen wanted to stay with her too, but for several reasons, not the least of which was not overtaxing Amy, I kept him with us for the day. They were all exhausted (except for Aron, who had a great nap after chasing Amy’s cats all morning) when we got home so we had a simple picnic dinner on a quilt in the living room while we watched Star Wars and then we sent them off to very peaceful slumber while we watched the church service over the internet. That also is a blessing. We still feel in touch to a degree when we can at least hear the worship and sermon when we can’t be there.
Owen was a little apprehensive at first by the whole casket/dead body thing. It was just a quiet pouty face and an insistence on clinging too me, not a fearful crying or anything. He soon got over it though and voluntarily walked to the casket when I wasn’t looking. I followed him when I noticed and picked him up so he could see. I know some of you are freaking out just at the thought of it and I’m not trying to do that. I want my kids to have a healthy understanding of death, and see first hand the obvious absence when the soul has departed. I want them to have no doubt that life isn’t limited to our bodies ability to live, but rather that our bodies are limited by life’s desire to stay. It’s just a costume we wear in some ways. He seems very confident in his realization that Gloria was not there and that her body wasn’t her.
We had a very cold graveside service and he watched quite a while after as the men lowered the coffin and began placing dirt back into the grave. I finally knelt down beside him, interested in his thoughts and asked him if he was glad he came. He nodded and I added…”even though it was kind of sad?”
He said, “yeah, and kind of awesome.” He was mainly referring to the way they were dumping dirt into a hole, but I’m glad he thought it was kind of awesome.
I like the way that Owen thinks 🙂
I am not freaking out at all that you let him participate…I encouraged my kids to do the same sort of thing at both of my dad’s parents’ funerals. I think, just like you, that they need a healthy understanding of death. And if you don’t freak out, they probably won’t either!
I know that your day was filled with missing her, yet praising God for all He has done for your family through this and in spite of this. I, too, think you did a great thing by Owen with letting him take part in it all. We hold death at such a distance in our culture, our country, that sometimes it is difficult to see what we’ve been saved from.
How old is Owen? I’m guessing he’s about the same age I was when Grandpa Schwartz and Richard died. It was confusing and I know now that I didn’t grasp it all, but it was a good thing to experience. One of the biggest blessings I’ve had in life is learning at a young age what death is, what eternity is (at least to the degree that our imperfect minds can grasp), and knowing that not only as believers do we get to spend it with Jesus, but we’ll be joined by loved ones who also believe. While death is not a fun thing to experience at 6 or 96, gaining a bit of comfort regarding the whole process of living and dying is valuable. Good for you for gently and lovingly introducing Owen to it in a healthy way.
On a side note….when I first saw Gloria’s pic on your blog, before I read anything about who she was I wondered why you had a picture of Naomi Judd on there:)
Keeping the boys was a joy- it makes me really want a boy. They were so sweet-and really funny story. As soon as you guys walked out the door Ivan started growling really loudly and chasing the cat. The Buttons are not used to loud, growly boy noises. The next thing I knew Travis came flying out of the shower, freaked out, wanting to know what was wrong. It was very funny.