Mission Accomplished

Today the kitchen floor fairy showed up as a two year old and swept my kitchen for me. Evidently the fairy union is a little low on good help because I had to sweep it again when he was done.

We found a little Owen size broom at Joann’s today and it was 40% off so we bought it. They had a bunch of gardening tools and this is actually supposed to be an outside broom but what two year old is going to know the difference? Not mine. The rest of the tools actually looked useable too. They were just miniatures of the adult tools and so cute. If you have a tiny gardener in your house you should check it out they were all on sale.

So…the floor is swept finally…not mopped, but swept at least. There is a lot to be done this week. I would like the house to be a little more clean before we leave so that I can come home to a welcoming abode and there are so many other fun things to think about on top of that. I need to finish my lesson on Finding Mr. Right/Avoiding Mr. Wrong and then actually go over it enough to teach it. I need to buy some goodies for the goody bags to pass out at the seminar and pack up the bags on Thursday morning. I need to make up some surveys to pass out at the seminar and I need to pack for our trip as well as figure out how to pack two boys without overloading our little car. Oh, and I need to keep supper on the table and a reasonable amount of general love and care available to my husband and sons. Maybe that should have been first.

Tisra mentioned in her comment that Cornerstone always uses Becky and I for skits, which is somewhat of an exaggeration. We do things every now and then but I haven’t performed any drama at Cornerstone since December of 2004. I have written a few things but I usually write for someone else. I do the Ladies Night of Laughter each year but I don’t perform in it much because I have too many other responsibilities and I don’t want to put too much stress on myself by adding the nervous factor to my other worries. Greg Wilson used to do most of the drama at Cornerstone but he is no longer attending there. He now goes to Dan Smith’s church up in White House. I am not as trained or as talented an actor as Greg but I am used a lot partly because I’m available, partly because I’m funny, and partly because God knows I like to do it, so He lets me. I do look around our church and wonder why there aren’t more actors and comics coming out of the pews, but I think part of it is our church does not attract a lot of artistic people. Did I hear an amen out there? Was that you Amy? Having planned the Night of Laughter for a few years now, I have been amazed at the lack of volunteers to be a part of a very popular event. I think there are a lot of very funny and talented people in our church, they just aren’t interested in being funny and talented on stage. Anyway…I thought I’d go ahead and post the skit as Tisra requested simply because it’s short. My only disclaimer…you can’t hear the inflections or accent so it’s not as funny as seeing it on stage. Pastor Sandy told me today that 125 women signed up yesterday morning after seeing the skit…I guess it helped…

Oh…and I played the part of Hildegard, wore a bathrobe over my clothes and a towel on my head. Very pretty!

Agnes and Hildegard are contemplating whether or not to go to the Seminar

Both are seated on stage with backs to each other. They are meant to be in separate homes when Agnes calls Hildegard.

Hildegard: Hello!

Agnes: Hello, Hildegard?

Hildegard: Yes.

Agnes: This is Agnes…what are you doing?

Hildegard: Soaking.

Agnes: Beans?

Hildegard: No…my feet.

Agnes: Oh well I was wondering…

Hildegard: (interrupting) what are you doing?

Agnes: Oh…I’m filing

Hildegard: You’re taxes?

Agnes: No…my nails.

Hildegard: Well, what do you want?

Agnes: Well, I was wondering if you were planning to go to this Women’s seminar at the church.

Hildegard: No, and you shouldn’t either…I’m not paying $150 dollars to go listen to them all sit around and try to tell you how to live your life…I know how to live my life and I don’t go for that men bashing stuff either. That’s what they’re into…whenever you see there’s going to be a women’s seminar, you know good and well they’re going to sit around and talk about men. They all wear pink flowers and pass out chocolate and perfume and then they hold up their right hands and swear the pledge.

Agnes: The pledge?

Hildegard: Yes, they commit themselves to always being emotional basket-cases that don’t trust men. Then they talk about how fat they are and how they wish they were skinny so they could impress the men they don’t trust. That’s all it is.

Agnes: Well, it says here they have classes and they don’t say anything about a pledge.

Hildegard: Do you think they’re going to tell you that…no…they have to suck you in first. I’m not buying it and you shouldn’t either Agnes…you shouldn’t either.

Agnes: Well, these classes sound good…I mean there’s classes on purity, finances, witnessing even decorating…it doesn’t sound that self indulgent to me. And it’s only $15.00

Hildegard: Listen Agnes, they’re going to write down what you want to hear on a piece a paper so they can get your money. Don’t trust them. My therapist said my anger problems come from comparing myself to my mother and when I’m around that many women I always meet somebody that looks like my mother and that just tears me up. I’m not going…and you shouldn’t either.

Agnes: Hildegard listen, they have box lunches and continental breakfast…maybe we could just go for the food…I mean we can’t eat out for $15.00 any more.

Hildegard: Now, that’s not a bad idea…but let me tell you something…I’ve lived and learned many times over…since my son joined that gang and my daughter won’t speak to me…since Jerald left me for that tramp Iva May Blumefield and since I’ve had this rash on my left hip…there isn’t anybody that can tell me more about pain and responsibility…I’ve lived it Agnes and I’ve overcome…I’ve overcome…and if you want to be like me…you won’t go to that women’s seminar.

Agnes: (hangs up the phone then promptly picks it up and dials another number) Hello…Cornerstone Church? What do I need to do to sign up for that Women’s Seminar? I don’t want to be like Hildegard.