I am teaching a class at the end of this month on the subject of finding a Godly mate. The class is entitled “Finding Mr. Right/Avoiding Mr. Wrong” with the subheading “Learn to attract, and be attracted to, a man of integrity” I have a basic outline and some good material I think, but want to throw in a little fun as well. I would like to compile a list of Red and Green flags for the woman who is on this search and I want them to be true but somewhat funny. For instance a red flag would be “over 30 and still living with his mother” and a green flag would be “pays with cash because he’s trying to stay debt free, not because he’s hiding from the IRS”.
So…anybody out there got any good red or green flags?
If he asks you out on a date and tells YOU what time to pick HIM up because he doesn’t have a car. True story.
Oh, put me on the spot, now. hmmmm. Being employed is a plus. A given right? Let’s see. I think I need to get back to you.
If he is divorced 2 or more times, but it was never his fault, there’s a red flag (which too many women ignore!)
Oooh…Amy, that reminds me of my favorite bad date story where the guy told me he was one third Chinese. I think I’ll include that one too.
This seems little, but it’s a pet peeve of mine, and is an automatic reason for dismissal. . . doesn’t use your/you’re correctly!!! Now you understand why I don’t date much. There are not very many out there who can even get that minor thing right. Should I go on. . . someone who is pessimistic, someone who has a track record of job hopping, someone with wrinkled clothes or unbrushed hair/teeth, someone who seems too anxious (he’s desperate honey), someone who’s TOO close with his mother. WOW! Now we all see why I’m still single. Heck, I actually like it this way. Believe me I could probably go on and on, but I think I’ve contributed enough 🙂
Oh yeah. . . I didn’t specify that those are all RED flags, but I would hope you all would know that 🙂
Green flags . . . his parents are still married! That one always impresses me. Too bad it’s a rarity. He has ambitious goals for his life.
Oooh, oooh, oooh, this is just too much fun. I can’t stop myself. Another RED flag. . . anyone who tells you that you’re sexy or hot among your initial “getting to know each other” conversations. Any respectable person who is interested in a “relationship” with you will find a more sincere compliment. YES, there IS a difference between HOT and BEAUTIFUL. In the words of a dear male friend of mine. . . hot goes cold, but beautiful lasts forever. SO, if he tells you that you’re Hot or Sexy (when you are first meeting) say Thank you, but WALK AWAY and don’t look back!!! Ten years down the road, after marriage, and ten kids, if he tells you, that you’re hot or sexy. . . jump his bones!!!
I like Amber’s suggestions! Especially the hot/sexy comments.
Mary Troyer
I know your name is different now, but you will always be Troyer to me.
I have been in some nasty relationships myself, and have now found what i think is Mr. Right. His father is a retired preacher for the Free Methodist church. Before we met I would pray to God that all I wanted was a man to be good to me. Six months later I met Rich Hull, the love of my life. He takes care of me and the kids, four of wich are not his. This is a Green flag, he like my kids and provides a good life for us. He is a God send.
I know I have not been a perfect person in my life time, but God still loved me enough to find me a good man, after going through some not so good times in my life.
A serious Red Flag to me would be; a bad temper, if they get mad and/or violent easily, avoid them as much as posible. A man that walks with God or Jesus does not raise his hand to the one he loves. Don’t let the man tell you any different, because he will try to convince you he loves you, and then turn around and hit you in the same breath. I am lucky to be alive, and learn some valuble lessons in life, that I will never forget.
I think when looking for the right man you don’t need to be so worried about looks, money, or even just worldly posessions. You need to look inside the heart and mind of an individual, see where they are in life itself. What are there dreams and aspirations compared to yours? Do you have anything in common? Is he at least a little cute so you’re attracted to him, but not so georgous that he would be conceted? What are his moral values? Are they the same as yours?
When you figure these things out you might find the right, not perfect, man. No one is, or will be, perfect, except for God. He knows what he is doing with oyur life, even when you don’t. It may seem that things are bad, when in all actuality he is testing you to see how you will do, as he did with many of his deciples. If we jsut walk the road he wants, I think(personal opinion) he will lead us to who, and where he wants us to be.
Mary please write back, and I will visit your blog at least acouple of times a week. xoxoxox
Love ya, and miss ya too!
Cabrina Davison
Cabrina! So good to hear from you. I haven’t seen you in over 15 years! Wow! I’ll e-mail you.